Last week I publicly lost my sense of decorum, blaming the internet for a barrage of angst & ache around my personal & professional life.
I will not apologize for writing that last post, as I feel it stirred something deep in others as much as it did in me.
Speaking our truth isn’t always easy, as is knowing that it’s not up to us to direct people & their social behaviors. We can only do that with our own, & speak our truths about what need from others, let them show up or not in return.
Does that mean I have to sit quietly when I am disappointed? Turn the other cheek as I’ve grown accustomed to doing, hoping to better embrace an “evolved,” yogi/buddhist-like nature, with no expectations or attachments to outcome?
Hell no. I am finally getting that. People DO need to hear your truth. Sometimes it’s the only way for everyone involved to grow…. So thank you for bearing witness to my truth telling session…
I still feel that people use the internet & texts as a way to bow out of connecting in a way that best represents their human hearts.
& the fact remains that there is a serious overflow of scams, hype & plain ol’ trash out there in our world wide web.
& yes, lots of really crummy writing, but who the hell am I to judge? I’m no Hemingway or Allende, & I am sure there are loads of grammatical errors sweeeeping through my own writing.
But I also got swept up in the heavy, the hurt, & the loneliness the web can impress upon the shape of my own life. Which has been nothing like I imagined for myself before getting here.
Is it the internet’s fault? Of course not….
From what I’m beginning to understand, the key to not falling prey to the mania caused by both the heartache of people not showing up enough or at all & the junk showing up too much is to navigate with clarity, discernment & a commitment to honoring what’s true within. Online & off.
For me, it required hitting that wall so that I could speak & write my truth, then “change course” as one wise woman responded.
So I am. Changing course. In the last week, I’ve unsubscribed from various mailing lists I formerly subscribed to in hopes of better expanding my professional abilities as an online entrepreneur. The inner angst it created was great, & the pressure to buy into their magic bullet programs annoying.
There is a sense of calmness restored, an owning of the path before me that trusts the flow & efforts I put in will come to be when the time is right.
In the meantime, I mostly unplugged & spent some time creating art & writing letters, recalling the wonderful real time connections I have.
I met a fellow writer in my yoga class who is offering her network to me, encouraging me to attend a local writer conference to help support my freelance visions. (Imagine. Live poets & writers, sharing the twists & turns of the creative life out loud).
Ironically, I received some beautiful emails & Facebook replies that were heartfelt, loving & restorative. & I also nurtured a few online relationships I’ve cultivated in the last couple of months- people whose vibe & tribe feel like places where I belong, people who feel like real live people & that make the world feel that much smaller by their presence in my life. I had a fantastic SKYPE session with a friend in Guatamala. I enjoyed a few fantastic recipes for some mouth watering blogs I follow.
All made possible because of the internet.
Take a look at your own email inbox. Who are you giving your time to? Are you truly connecting in a way that lifts you up, inspires you, or feeds your professional network somehow?
What about your non-virtual world? The one right there in front of you?
I urge you to purge what is not serving you, & then to focus on what is with your entire heart & soul. Don’t forget to give back. It is then & only then will you feel yourself whole & truly part of something meaningful.
Which, for me, tends to be the times when I can create my best & most important work….
Here’s to you, your truth, your creativity & what’s most important to you!
Thanks for reading….
LOVE & MORE LOVE! xo c